Strength

What does it mean to be strong? I have often asked myself this question only to answer it with, "Being strong is hiding your hurts and putting on a brave face." Looking back, I can see how this viewpoint of strength has lead to a lot of the issues that I have faced in life. It fueled my struggle with depression as well as lead me to fill a void, to try to achieve too much through my recovering with anorexia. Growing up, I thought that in order to be strong, I had to hide my weaknesses. This caused me to live behind a mask, one that I was intent on keeping firmly in place. The problem with masks is that no matter how well you hid behind it or which brave face you put on, it is still all fake; nobody knows the real you because the real you is the hurt person hiding behind a strong facade. Honestly, to this day it is still hard to talk about the issues I have faced, my battle with depression and what is going to be a lifelong recovery from an eating disorder. Yet, I have learned that talking about it helps more that anything; when I talk about it, all facades are torn down; when I talk about it, I can no longer hide behind a mask. But mostly, when I talk about it, I learn even more about what it means to truly have strength. Over the past few years, my answer to what is strength has become, "Being strong means standing firm in the face of adversity and getting back up each time life knocks you off of your feet." I have faced a lot of adversity in life and have been knocked down more times than I care to remember, but honestly, I would rather face the adversity head on with a true strength and my head held high rather than pretending that everything is okay and hiding behind a facade.